Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation.

When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

- All from Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx, 1890 - 1977

About:

Julius Henry Marx was born at New York City on 2 Oct 1890, we know him as Groucho. At age fifteen he was the first of the brothers to start a stage career, twice the rest of his troupe disappeared in the night and left him to pay the bills. It may have been this that led to his hunger for material success, in turn driving the careers of the Marx Brothers. (This was reinforced by their mother's social ambitions and Chico's perennial financial distress from gambling.) Groucho kept his eyebrows raised and jabbed with his cigar to punctuate his rapier wit.

For more info: http://www.groucho-marx.com/